Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

A few weeks ago I wrote about my goals for 2013. It is time for a little checkin' in.

1) Cook more: I have done pretty well here. While I still am not where I want to be, basically cooking healthy meals for the family every night, that include veggies galore (even if I am the only one that eats them); I have improved my average home-cooking nights to about 5. Not bad, not bad. The meals are not exactly the leanest, most healthy, but at least they are home made and not processed. Gotta start somewhere.

2) Reduce work stress: this is the one goal that I thought would take me the longest to achieve. I was wrong! Pretty much after I posted my 2013 goals, an opportunity popped up within my company to do something that I think will be an amazing fit. It is a total leap of faith as it is something I have not done before, but it really appeals to me and my inner geek.  I will get to work from home and this will help with goal #1 as well, as I will be able to cook throughout the day... So if meals take longer, I will still be able to make them. Transition will be complete mid april and I cannot wait!

3) Yell less: Not doing so well here. Stress is still high and I am not coping too well. But bound to get better shortly.

4) Be a better mom and wife: trying. Very hard.

5) Further education: not gotten to that spot yet. Still thinking about it. I want to see what this new turn in my professional life holds and go from there.

6) Visit Argentina: Have not even begun planning.

7) Get stronger: making VERY slow progress. Some weeks are great, some other ones not so good. Once my job transition is complete I might take up Crossfit. Still deciding.

8) Step out of my comfort zone: Goruck Challenge still to come, but the job switcharoo is a good step in this direction too.

9) Make improvements to my swimming: not sure here. I did have my best swim test to date since I have been working with my coach; but I am hungry for more. Swim intensive training block beginning soon.

10) Power to weight ratio: Bike test tomorrow... We will see.

11) Re-learn to hurt on the run: This is proving to be harder than I though. Over the off season, self confidence picked up and left; and I am struggling. Big time.

12) Share more: I am going to go with "making progress". Updating the blog counts, right?


I guess I can say things are shaping up and this will be a good year. I am so stoked that the job changing thing is happening. I have not really gone into great detail on why the change is oh so needed; but trust me when I say, it has been extremely hard. Let's just say that when you do not feel appreciated and you are measured by some pretty irregular sticks, there are many a times when you just want to pick up and leave. I have been there, multiple times in the past 10 months. Not healthy.

Regarding the hole... I am still in it, but not as deep. My self confidence is still shot, and I am still blaming myself for pretty much everything that goes wrong. However, with the recent turn of events I am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Change can be scary sometimes, but not this time. I am ready for it!

Ironman Florida Race Report

Well, hello everybody. It has been ages since I have posted something. Not many interesting things around these parts; especially since I hit the taper. The workouts just became things to "get through"; and my level of tiredness was skyrocketing. But everyone said that was normal. So I went along with it.

The last couple of weeks pre-ironman were hard. Especially from a focus perspective. It was SO close to the race; but yet so far away. Know what I mean? You are on the final straightaway; but utterly scared of injury or illness. You had made it this far; and the worst thing would be to fall sick; or hurt yourself during taper. So I made sure I was extremely cautious.

About 2 days before we left for Panama City Beach (PCB); I went through my transition bag list and actually packed them. And I am going to tell you; they were organized! You see, I had a system. I had bags within the bags. A big gallon bag with all the things I knew I was going to put on for sure; a bag with my nutrition, and the things I could need or would leave in transition I just left lose in the bag. And it worked wonders. Didn't necessarily have speedy transitions; but I am sure I had faster transitions than a lot of people.

We started our trek own south on Wednesday at the crack of stupid. We left before 6 am; because I wanted to make sure I could hit registration on Wednesday instead of Thursday. We drove; and made it there right on time. I remembered things from last year and I had Todd park the car close to where I thought transition/finish/check in/store would be. Turns out this year they had moved most of the stuff another 1/4 mile down the road. So we walked; and walked.

Once there I registered without a problem; while Megan and Todd hit the Janus inspiration station to make signs. Megan went to town! She is a little creative bee. Coach had warned me about not looking at the scale when they weighted me in because it would likely be that I put on a couple of lbs.; and sure enough I did ( i blamed it on the 10 hours of driving, having my shoes on and water retention). It didn't bother me as much as I had anticipated. After that one of the wonderful volunteers explained to me all there was to know about the stuff contained in my athlete bag; where to put my numbers, what to do with my chip; etc. I left the registration tent, found the family and headed to the IM store; where I proceeded to buy a bike jersey and a couple of visors. You might say; I should have waited, but I wanted to make sure I got the things I wanted; and waiting until after the race was a bit of a gamble.

The rest of the day went without a hitch. We checked in to the hotel, and went to enjoy the beach.

Thursday rolled around and I met my friend Melinda for the gatorade swim. I wanted to make sure I swam in the ocean to remind my body of the feeling. The swim was LONG. Even though the sea seemed calm there was definitely a current; that made swimming toward shore pretty hard. Right then I knew, Saturday's swim would be slower than I would like. And I made peace with it. The rest of the day was spent at the beach, at the pool, in the hot tub. Just hanging around with the family.

Friday came pretty soon, and it brought along my in-laws. I was SO grateful for them coming! On race day Todd would need all the help he could get to take care of Megan and spectating my race. My day was pretty boring, I sat and laid down a lot. Then it was time for gear check in. I had my bags all packed and ready to go, so I just rolled into transition and dropped everything off. Then it was time for more sitting and laying down. I became a pro at it. Friday night I got almost no sleep. The bed did not feel comfortable; and my head would not quiet down. Eventually 4 am came along and I was ready to get up.

I got up, had breakfast, got dressed; braided my hair and at about 5 am we headed out. On our way to the start line we got a phone call... The alarm system company; letting us know there was a burglary alarm in our house back home. Trust me when I tell you, that even though it was not a pleasant piece of news to receive (turned out to be a false alarm); it kept my mind off the race for a while and as a consequence I did not get as worried as I normally do. Bonus!

Once the special needs bags were dropped off and the bike set up; all there was left to do was hydrate and wait. So I did. With about 30 minutes to the start, I donned my wetsuit and headed to the beach. And then I saw the crowds. Holy shit! I kissed Todd goodbye and went over the timing mat to take my place at the beach.

As I was standing there, looking around,, getting more nervous by the minute; I saw Megan and my in-laws, they had made it to the swim start! And I just LOVED being able to kiss my little girl before the start of the race. That made a WORLD of difference on my mindset. Next thing I know; they are singing the national anthem; Mike Reilly is telling us we will be Ironmen by the end of the day; and then the cannon goes off.

THE SWIM

I had positioned myself on the outside of the field, far from the buoys and towards the back of the pack. Being that swimming is not my strong point, and that I tend to panic in the water; I decided that little to no human contact would be essential to my swim. After about 1-2 minutes of slowly making my way into the water; I started swimming. There were people all around me; and I honestly felt calm and collected. Yes; I saw arms flailing and got more than one mouthful of water, but I felt like the group was "pulling" me. I did not feel like I was working hard. The water was not calm as it had been the days leading up to the race. There was quite a bit of chop, and I did my best to navigate my way in it. The first turn buoy was interesting to say the least. I don't think people get the easy physics concept that 2 bodies can't occupy the same space at the same time; so I saw a lot of "fighting".. Which reminds me of seeing people wearing snorkels... Hmmmm, strange. Anyhow; i tried to stay out of the "fuss" as much as possible. I got hit a few times; scratched some others; but managed to generally keep moving forward. Little by little I got closer and closer to shore and I was able to hear Mike Reilly's voice cheering people in. And I smiled, underwater. Heck! I was doing IRONMAN. I ran up the beach, crossed the timing mat after my first loop and headed back out to the water, for another dose of salt water. I tried to spot my family, but had no luck. Off I went. The second lap was harder, slower and choppier. There weren't as many people to draft off of, and you could really feel the water pulling; yet the first turn buoy was chaotic again. This time I actually got sandwiched between 2 guys; who pulled me under water. Now, on a regular day, ,that would have scared the living daylights out of me; but not this time. I was PISSED. I got my head out of the water; hit the guys and shouted a very loud "FUCK YOU!". Then I continued to swim. Slowly but surely I made my way to shore. I hit the sand and started peeling my wetsuit off. I had survived the swim; and I knew I could finish the race.

T1

I tired to be as fast as I could here; but a couple of inefficiencies by the organizers; coupled with a very crowded t1 tent, and some not very quick volunteers made for an interesting experience. My transition bag system worked pretty well, except that the volunteer could bot understand what I was saying. I changed, headed out and waited for about 2 minutes to get sunscreen applied. I knew I was not racing for placement; so I had not problems waiting to get my skin properly protected.

THE BIKE

After I got on my bike I immediately started drinking. I still had salt water taste in my mouth and that made me thirsty. About 1/2 mile from the start of the bike, the course went past our condo; so I got to see and wave to my family. I would not see them for another 6 hours. After that I started executing my plan. I took it easy the first hour; but we had a tailwind; which helped me go quite fast. I was just taking it all in. Pedaling; drinking; eating my nutrition; being passed by people; passing people. I was having a blast. Then we turned on to the headwind; which would stay would us for the better part of the bike; and I saw my speed drop. I was still staying in my zones; maybe a bit under where I should have been. I just wanted to make sure I did not blow myself up. My nutrition plan was mostly working. Most of my calories came from EFS liquid shots; with about 75 calories and hour coming from Carbo pro. The 75 calories of carbo pro started giving me stomach issues; so I stopped taking it. I never felt low on energy; but I did feel my stomach get hungry. After we had passed the roughest part of the course (the out and back section was a false flat; with a headwind and horrible pavement, at about mile 70) I decided to try bananas to make up for the calories I was behind on. They totally hit the spot! They made me feel "refreshed" and I took a couple of them over the next 20-30 miles. I kept pedaling; stretching my back and my neck every so often; and just moving forwards.

I did have a couple of snafu's along the course. I stopped to use the porta john handed my bike to a volunteers; and she promptly dropped it, breaking my bike computer (so I rode more than half of the course without cadence and speed data). About 10 minutes after that as we are going on one of the few uphills in the course; I made the rookie mistake of switching gears too fast and I dropped chain. As I got off my bike I told myself "Breathe" ( I took a deep breath) "now fix it"; so I did. It took me a mere 30 seconds and I was back on my bike.

The last 5 miles were the longest ever. You hit front beach road and you know you are close to transition; but it still takes forever to get there. Not to mention the beautiful tailwind we had at the beginning of the bike was now a headwind; and a pretty bad one at that. Eventually I took the last turn towards transition. Took my feet off my shoes; waved to my family and rolled in.

T2

This transition was faster than the first one, but still not as efficient as it could have been. I had another whole outfit change, and also took time to apply sunscreen; as well as hit the porta potty on the way out.

THE RUN

As I had rolled in to T2 I took a couple of tums; as I always have stomach issues when I transition to the run. I don't think they had much of an effect. Upon exiting transition we took a left turn and ran to a turn around point for about 200 meters. At the turn around is where my family was waiting for me to see me. As I get closer and closer, Megan sees me and she took a straight line to run to me in the middle of the course. Luckily no one was coming so we didn't block anyones way. I got the best hug and kiss; and the biggest "awwwwww" from the crowd. It was awesome! After a few I love you's I headed out to run. At this point I was still feeling pretty good; trying to hold back my pace, making sure I did not go out too hard. By the time I reached mile 1 I was already walking. My stomach was completely clogged, I had a rock sitting on it; and I felt nauseated and disgusted by anything I tried to eat or drink made me want to gag. I hated having to slow down to a walk; but Liz and I had gone through this scenario many times before. So I knew what to do: Walk like I had someplace to go; and not give anything up. And I did, I walked, and tried jogging, then running... until my stomach could not take it anymore; so then I would walk again; and repeat the cycle. I hit a couple of low points here; where I was so mad with myself and my stomach. Never once I thought of giving up though; but I did think I would have to walk the entire marathon. I was looking sort of pitiful; and then a spectator told me something that renewed my hopes; she said: you have all the time in the world to let your race come back to you. And that was exactly what i needed. It took me almost 3 hours to finish the first 1/2 of the run course; but by the time I hit the turn around point in front of the finish line; my stomach had calmed down enough so I was able to run a bit more. And I did. And I started passing people, and I started drinking, and eating. And my run came back to me. And I felt AWESOME. I was doing Ironman, and I had the race in the bag. I was not going fast; but I was running and I was smiling again. And that my friends was key. The miles slowly went by. And I never hit the "wall". Yes, my legs hurt and I could feel the overall fatigue; but at no point i thought I could not continue. My mission on that day was to stop at nothing but the finish line. And that was exactly what I did. Upon seeing the sign for mile marker 25; I set a little challenge for myself: to make the last mile my fastest. There would be no stopping, there would be no walking the aid station. Just a steady effort to the finish. I pushed, and I passed people and I heard comments: " Great form" "You look awesome" "Strong finish". And I believed them all. I took them all in, and made sure to feel proud about it. I ran my way through the residential neighborhood, and took thee last couple of turns. The closer I got, the louder I heard the cheering and Mike Reilly's voice.. The last left turn; the home stretch. The lights, the people, the noise. Completely surreal.

The chute gets really narrow right before the turn around; and I was "stuck" behind a girl. I could have attempted to pass her, but I did not want to trip and fall; or make her trip and fall. So I slowed down and let her go. This race was not about placing. This race was about getting there and enjoying the experience. We took the last turn into the finisher's chute and I just cannot believe my eyes. Here I am about to become an Ironman. Little 'ol me; an IRONMAN.

I cannot contain my smile any longer; I just want to raise my hands and celebrate the accomplishment. As I am approaching the line I heard Mire Reilly say "Danni K. you are an Ironman"; arms up, smile big. The line, the volunteers. And then, I was done.

My entire year of work had came to fruition and I had the race of a lifetime. Could not have asked for a better day.

Conclusions coming soon....

Holy cow!

It has been like a month and a half since I last updated this blog. Honestly I didn't feel like there was anything worth writing about. Not that my life is not full of adventure or really cool things (I wish); but it's just that I've been focusing on work, training and spending the rest of the time with my family.

We took a pretty cool vacation to Disney World... Well, more than pretty cool; a ROKIN' vacation to DW. We booked it about 2 months in advance and we kept it a secret from the little one until the day before we left. Why you might ask... Simple, have you ever told a 4 year old that you are going somewhere really exciting in a month; only to have them ask you EVERY SINGLE DAY: Are we leaving today?? 4 year olds have no sense of time; at least our 4 year old doesn't. So we chose to keep it a secret. Mind you, I was dying to tell her where we were going. I had been preparing her little by little in conspicuous ways... Say, Would you like to go to DW one day? (while looking at DW pictures on the computer)... You get my drift.

The night we told her was priceless. When we broke the news she covered her mouth with one hand, her eyes opened as big as I have ever seen them and she said: Oh my gosh! The look in her eyes... Man, I live for this stuff. Making your children happy is the best feeling in the world!

The trip went without a hitch. I asked coach for a smaller "load" of training; since I wanted to fully focus this time on being a family. With IM training looming in the horizon and all the countles hours I will spend away from home I wanted this to be all about my daughter, my husband and the 3 of us as a family unit. We had a blast. We rode rides, we ate junk food, we swam in the pool (ok splashed around), we had breakfast with the princesses, we filled out an outograph books and we took more pictures that I will even be able to print. And yes, we spoiled her rotten. It is hard not to when you are in this magical place, you know?

Upon our return, work slammed me hard. Deadlines, requests, things I had never seen/done before; a very bumpy 2 day trip to Chicago. Somehow I pulled it off.

Training has been going well. The past 2 weeks were "adaptation" after vacation and this week is rest/test week. I am only testing in 2 sports this time. Run and bike. Wednesday was my run test. It hurt like a mother effer; but I am super pleased with my results. Let's just say I held a pace I never thought I'd be able to hold. Yes, I thought I was dying while I was running at that pace; but 3 months ago, I thought I was dying when I was running a pace 30 seconds slower. So I call that progress.

Tomorrow is my bike test; and oddly enough I am really looking forward to it. Biking is my favorite and I want to keep getting better and better at it.

Ironman build starts on Monday and seeing my schedule on Training Peaks makes me excited/nervous at the same time. It is all becoming so real, you know? It seems like it was yesterday that I signed up for the race and here it is, July already, and there are a mere 4 months to go. It's coming and I am ready (OK not yet, but I will be)!

And now we interrupt your regularly scheduled posts...

to send a message to my mother.

MAMA:

TE QUIERO HASTA EL CIELO. LOS EXTRANIO MUCHISIMO.

MUCHOS BESOTONES

TU HIJITUS.

Carry On...

Weekend Mish mash

I am a little behind on updating the good old blog. I can’t believe it has been over a week already. I have been so busy with work, training and life in general that I have barely had time to relax.  

Training went well this past week. I managed to get all my workouts in, even after a very bad failed attempt at my long run on Monday after work. It was the typical case of “the body complained a little louder than normal, I got scared and I quit”. I had a mini meltdown (lasted about 30 minutes) and then realized that what’s done is done and there is no point on beating myself up about it. Moved on.

The rest of the week I focused on giving the best I had for every single workout. They might not have been my best ones, but the effort was there. Work was insanely busy; as it is yet again month end/quarter end and we are plagued by deadlines. I kept my sanity the best I could, and I think it worked. Someone challenged me to post nothing but positive updates to my Facebook status; that proved to be hard! I guess my mindset is set on the more negative side of things and I decided to work diligently on changing that.  

Over the weekend I had a couple of long workouts to tackle. On the schedule were a long brick for Saturday; and originally a rest day for Sunday, which I decided to use to make up for my failed long run attempt. I was super excited at both: riding outside for the first time, and redeeming myself for that run where I chickened out. I knew the run would be hard the day after the long brick and I thought it would be the perfect opportunity to quiet the voices in my head that want to make me stop when it hurts.  

I set off on Saturday at about 8 am with my bike fully equipped for my 3:45 ride. I decided I would ride with my ART doctor, since he just got a bike and was looking for someone to ride with. We met up with the idea of him riding with me the first hour and then splitting so that I could hit the faster intervals I had prescribed. The first hour was easy. I rode at his pace and gave him some tips on shifting and climbing. We went the route that I always use and I was very pleased to find out that the hills that used to leave me breathing hard last summer did not represent that big of a challenge anymore. Score! 

We did the one loop and then according to plan we split. I went back for take number 2 on the loop and that is when I almost got hit 3 times. Not one time, 3 FREAKING TIMES. For the first time I felt unsafe on my bike. People were driving like maniacs, passing me with less than 5 inches clearance between my elbow and their side mirrors; disregarding my signaling turns and passing me as I am attempting to merge to a different lane. I was not being impolite to drivers. I was riding practically on the white line; letting cars go before me if I got stopped at a traffic light in the front of the line. And yet, they decided to be complete jerks. My nerves got to a point where I just wanted off. My legs were fine, my stomach was fine, I was hydrated; I could have finished the time Coach wanted me to ride. I had only 39 minutes to go; and I felt at risk of being run over. I thought it over and decided to call it a day for riding. I got off the bike and went on to do my transition run as planned.  

After I was done I called Coach and vented nice and long. I was severely upset. She assured me the time I had ridden was more than enough for my training and that sometimes these things happen. Moving on.  

Sunday was a jam packed day. I got up early again to go out on my long run. I will just say, it was hard. My legs were pretty tired but I made a point of not worrying about how fast I was going and just running. I ended up covering a nice distance, not my best but it did the trick.  

After lunch Megan had a couple of activities lined up. First an Easter egg hunt hosted by one of the kids in her classroom and then Playhouse Disney live. The Egg hunt was fun; the parents of the hosting child pulled it off very nicely considering this was a public park. Megan had a blast and was able to monkey around in the playground after the Egg hunt was over.  

Off we went to Playhouse Disney live. We had pretty good seats, row 2, about 40 feet from the stage. From the moment we got in, Megan was ON. She played along with every single thing they said, she yelled as loud as she could, danced, jumped up and down. Basically, moved the whole time. Towards the end of the show, the kids are allowed to stand right in front of the stage (not on stage though) and dance along with the characters. Megan was waving at everybody, then all of the sudden one of the characters made eye contact with her and waved right back. Oh my goodness! The expression on her face. She ran back to me as fast as she could and said: “Mommy, Mommy! Darby (character from My friends Tigger and Pooh show) just waved at me; did you see it??” And that right there, her sheer happiness was worth EVERY penny we paid for those seats. It brought tears to my eyes. It was perfect. I just wanted to hug her as hard as I could. 

It was a full weekend. Up next rest week. And I can't wait!

I live in a bubble

I have been living in the US for about 7 years. I have immersed myself in the american culture and have become "used" to how things are done here. The schedules, the opposite seasons, starting the school year in the middle of august, eating dinner at 6 pm (back in Argentina sometimes we do not eat until 8 or 9 pm), putting Megan to bed early. You name it, I have embraced it.

Part of me detached from my home culture, almost not speaking my birth language; choosing to distance myself from everything latino related. Why? Because I did not want to be treated differently. I wanted to mingle. I wanted to become as American as possible. Somewhere along the road I decided to bury my heritage. Not really talk about it. I felt like there was nothing amazing or worth noting about it. You know?

I have always missed my family, my friends, some of the traditions we have back in Argentina. Sitting among friends, drinking mate, barbecueing on a charcoal grill every sunday, taking public transportation almost anywhere I needed to go, not having to own a car, eating my mother's cooking. Ah... memories of home.

I have not been home for 2 years. And I don't think we will be able to go this year. It's the year of the Ironman for me and we decided to go on a family vacation that Megan will love. The budget won't allow us to take that extra trip. Would I want to go home? Absolutely! My two best friends are both expecting their first child; and I will miss it. The soul hurts, but you do what you can, when you can.

We have lived in this neighborhood for about 4 years. And in all that time I have only met a handful of our neighbors; the ones that live close by. This morning the community was hosting a yard sale and we had a few things to sell. A family came by and after talking to them for all of 3 minutes I came to find out that they are from Argentina as well. Not only that, but there are also 4 more families from back home as well. Immediately we started talking in spanish, reminiscing about the life back home. They automatically opened themselves out to me and invited me to come over their house and just hang out. Get together, drink some mate; eat empanadas. They opened my eyes to all the wonderful products from home (the ones I miss the most) that are available for purchase here. Now I won't have to wait for my mom's packages (or worry about how much it costs her to ship them here!). I can go to a market and pick some of the ingredients for some of my mom's best recipes and make them myself.

All of the sudden I felt a little closer to home. I want to be friends with this people, I want to connect; I want to embrace my culture, where I come from. There is nothing to be afraid of, nothing to be ashamed of. I am who I am, I am from where I am. I can't help to think I have been living in a bubble, and it's about time I pop it.

Cozy saturday

I went out this morning for the one hour run that coach had put on the schedule for me. After the husband videotaped my running and we sent it over to Liz, she gave me some feedback and some technique advice. I had every intention of putting it into practice on my trail run. So I went for it. It was more difficult that I thought. Re-teaching your body how to run is no easy task and it does require a lot of concentration. Making sure you step the right way, pushing off purposefuly, avoiding arm crossover. That seems like a lot, doesn't it?? All of that while trying to keep your HR at a decent level...

The trail run was nice; except for one minor detail. The temperature was sub freezing! And my knees felt it, a lot. So, instead of running for an hour I decided to cut the run short to spare my knees some pain. Liz mentioned that the next 2 weeks are BIG training blocks, and I want to make sure I am in tip-top shape to perform at my best.

After the run, I drank my recovery drink and went off to run a couple of errands before the husband left to go golfing. I hit my favorite bakery (Great Harvest Bread), got some bread and then proceeded to go to the 50 dollar store (Target... it seems that every time we go there we spend a lot more money than we intended). I got there, grabbed the things I came looking for and as I am opening my wallet realized: SHIT! I forgot my card at the bread shop. I called them and luckily it was still there; so I hightailed back (in the opposite direction I needed to go to get home) and got my card.

When I got home I had already made the husband 20 minutes late; so pretty much as soon as I walked in the door, he left. Showered, made coffee and now I am here; sitting down in my PJ's covered with a blanket and wearing my "fluffy socks" as Megan calls them.

This week was extremely weird. It was rest week, and i felt completely flat; exhausted and with absolutely NOTHING in my legs to get my anywhere. My eating has been good, so I did not understand what was up. Until yesterday; when I realized I had gotten my monthly visitor (sorry if tmi). I was not expecting it until wednesday! Sometimes I think it is stupid how the body gets so drained from doing something that it is supposed to do every single month. Know what I mean??

The husband came back from his trip on thursday evening. Megan and I were very glad to see him. Friday morning was going along just fine when I got a call from Daycare that megan had been crying all morning, complaining of a sore throat and an achy stomach. There had been some cases of strep at the school, so I thought it was prudent to make a doctor's appointment to get the munchkin checked out. The husband took her and it turns out she has "walking pneumonia". The doctor assured us it is not as bad as the name makes it sound. Some antibiotics and it should go away. I do feel a bit responsible about it though. After all, I missed the signs. Fever, phlemy cough, loss of appetite. I trully thought it was just a cold. I guess it is not "just a cold" if there is fever. If I had acted sooner she would be better by now, and that makes me feel responsible (and a bit of a bad mom). Lesson learned, next time (which will hopefully be a long time from now) I will know to act when the fever presents itself.

This afternoon, we are just chillin'. Enjoying the last 2 days of rest week. Some more coffee is in order, maybe a movie or two, a cozy blanket and a big dose of family time. Can't wait.

Update

I can't believe it has been over a week since I updated the blog. Things have been pretty hectic around here. If you are my friend in FB, then you have seen me swear at various levels.

Work has been stressful to say the least. The merger is finally complete and the "little" shop I used to work for is now part of a multinational corporation where the rules are very strict and things are done way too differently. Just in case I have not said it enough already, I work for the accounting group of said corporation and after 2 weeks of our main system being down, it is now up and running; right at month end. Oh yeah, not only do we have to get used to the new system and try to learn it asap, we also have to close the month on schedule. There is not even a little bit of leeway for us numbers people.

My boss-man has not been the most helpful person lately. He has assumed a "very relaxed" position, while I am the one that is racking up her brains trying to figure out how we (or should I just simply say I) are going to do things.

There were a couple of days were I was on the verge of tears. Everything is centralized now and you pretty much need to do your part and then submit it to other for "execution". Well, those others are not doing their job the way they are supposed to and I am the one facing "the public". I have been getting phone calls from people that think I am as dumb as a brick, good for nothing, where in reality it is not me that is at fault; but others.

For a moment I thought: f*ck it! I am not going to care about it anymore. If my boss assumes the position that he is all cool and not worried about things getting done; then neither will I. If things don't get done, I won't care. But then it hit me: that is not who I am. I care. I know we have the responsibility of getting things done; and one way or another they have to be done. So I am the one that is usually worrying about everything.

I have been having really bad nights; where I really can't sleep well and I wake up all sweaty and stuff. And I worried about my training. I was concerned that my body was feeling overtrained already and I got scared. After all, it is the beginning of the year and I just took a month rest. But then I pieced it all together and realized it is just stress from work that has me all messed up. I wake up all fired up and do my workouts no problem, but when I realize that I have to go to work, my heart gets all heavy and my mood takes a turn for the worse.

It is definitely not fun. But hopefully things will get better once we get past this week and the next one. Luckily this time Todd is not traveling, so at least I have him at home to share the parenting duties.

On a happier note, this Friday husband and I have a date night. We are going out to dinner and then to catch a showing of Rent (the musical) that includes two of the original cast members. Rent is my favorite broadway musical and I love everything about it. I think the message it's great and the music is just fenomenal.

For dinner we are going to one of my favorite places: The melting pot. I know, it is not the most "balanced" eating, lots of cheese, bread, wine and chocolate; but we never splurge like this anymore. So I am going to allow myself to fully enjoy it without regret. Maybe not a lot of wine, because I do have a 2 hour workout the next morning, but definitely a lot of food :)

As a round-up of last week, I am happy to report that I completed my tests in all the sports and even though there was no improvement since the last time; I have not gone backwards. Or as Coach puts it; I am starting up at last year's peak. And that is damn good!

We also had the chance to identify some things that are holding me back, which I will be working on very consciously going forward. Sometimes you just have to make yourself DO something, get to the place you are afraid of, to trully realize there is nothing to be scared of. I plan on getting there.

So as I sit here tonight, I can say that I sort of see the light at the end of the tunnel. And I plan to head towards it with all my might. Hopefully it is not the train coming in the opposite direction :)

POWER!!!

I can't believe it is only 12:30 and I have already had somewhat of a full day.

It all started at 4:45 this morning. For some reason, my body has been deciding to wake up way before the alarm goes off, with me being wide awake at about 4 am. Today I managed to stay sort of relaxed until 4:45. On my schedule for today was a bike test.

About a week ago, I purchased a new piece of equipment to use with my bike when I ride indoors. I purchased a new trainer that is actually like a computrainer but a different brand called Tacx. I set it up last weekend and immediatly tried it. I loved what I saw. It measures power, cadence, distance, speed. You can also adjust slopes, so when you need to feel like you are going uphill, instead of switching to a harder gear; you just crank up the slope and then you are able to ride your bike as you would outside. The only problem I encountered with this new friend of mine, was the installation of the software on the PC. For some stupid reason every time I connect it to the USB port it asks me to re-install the driver for the bike computer. Certainly a minor issue, but annoying nonetheless.

As most of yuu know the tests call for you to not eat for the 2 hours prior to the test; so this morning I got up at 4:45 with the sole purpose of eating some breakfast. I got up, went downstairs; ingested some toast and guess what?? I went back to bed and set the alarm for 7 am! I hae the day off from work, so I was not about to stay up. Know what I mean?? When the alarm went off I got dressed and ready to test.

I got to my little "workout room", set up my stuff and got on the bike. The warm up was uneventful. I kept it really easy and spun my legs as best as I could. After the warmup was done; I recalibrated the computer to get the most accurate data detail as possible. Reset the HR monitor, take a sip of sports drink and go.

The test comprised of 2x8 minute sets where you are supposed to go as fast as you can, separated by 4 minutes of easy spinning. My goodness! I did not know what I got myself into when I bought the new whatchamacallit.

Liz had advised me that it would hurt in my lungs and legs. And boy, did it ever!!!! I could feel my heart pounding in my cheast, my breath burning my throat and my mouth getting dry with every second that went by. Those first 8 minutes seemed to last an eternity. I wanted to stop so badly! But I made it and the 4 minutes easy spin in between the 2 tests where so welcome!

The second set was more of the same. Hurt as badly, my lungs and legs burnt. I tried to keep the power level at the same numbers than the first set, but fatigue in the legs had started to set in and it showed. This time I covered the computer screen and focused on the music I had playing on my iPod. When it was over, all I had left was a 15 minute cool down along with a 15 minute run off the bike. Surprisingly, the run felt quite good. I thought my legs would be shot, but they actually fared pretty well.

After sending all the data to Liz, I had to get ready for my next adventure of the day. A date with my Father in Law at the shooting range!!!!

I had never shot a gun before and pretty much all the members of my husband's immediate family had told me how much fun it was. So I decided to give it a go. A couple of months ago I would have told you I was anti-guns, but with the husband traveling and spending many a nights alone in the house with Megan I started considering keeping a gun in the house for protection. But first I needed to learn how to shoot and see if I felt comfortable holding a gun.

After going through the safety issues about 3 times and showing me how to properly handle the gun we got to the firing line; put the target out and shot. Wow! What a rush. I tought I'd be scared, but I wasn't. I'd be lying if I said that the noise did not make me jump at first; but it was more from the other people in the range than from the gun I was firing. At first my aim was horrible, but once I kind of got used to what to expect I did much better. Did I enjoy it? Yes. Did I feel comfortable with it? yes. Would I want to go back? Yes. Am I still considering keeping a gun in the house? Yes, given that we take the needed precautions to keep it out of Megan's reach and sight. Luckily for us, my father in law is very versed in firearms and is willing to help me make sure it is all the way it's supposed to be.

Today was a day where I felt powerful; both on the bike and at the range.

I do not know what the numbers I sent to Liz from the bike test mean, or even if I am about average for someone my age and size. But I felt that given the proper training and recovery it can only get better. I still trust the plan, and most importantly the coach. I just now have different tools to get where I want to go.

Here comes 2009... oh no, wait... it's already here!

Wow, 2008 is over. Done. Finished. Left behind.

I'd be lying if I said I did not enjoy it. It was quite the roller coaster ride. Lots of changes, good news, bad news, new friendships, rekindling old friendships, connecting with people, feeling disconnected from the world.

I saw a big change happen within myself. I saw my true colors. Did I like all of them? Not necessarily. But I am embracing this discovery. Accepting it. 

2008 saw me make a big commitment to the sport of triathlon. It was the year I realized I am truly passionate about it, the year I discovered I want to be GOOD at it, the year when I realized that the training is more than half the fun, the year when I signed up for my first Ironman.

2008 helped me realize that people are not indestructible, even the ones we always thought were made of steel. It helped me figure out that all it takes is determination and a strong will to get rid of a bad habit (Dad, I am so PROUD of you for quitting smoking). It helped me make peace with myself; with who I am.

2008 was a great year; full of growth & self discovery. I could not have asked for more.

2009 is here now, and I have a feeling it is going to be even BETTER than 2008. There is much more to be discovered, more adventures to be had, more love to be given.

I hope 2009 finds all of you in good health and excellent spirits. I am expecting another roller coaster ride; after all, that is life. 

Wanna come along?

I guess rest does a body good...

This past week has been quite amazing.

I managed to survive one of the most stressful weeks work wise. Deadlines, problems to solve, people to please. I am not sure how, but I pulled it off. I managed to get everything on the list accomplished; and then some. Even when life threw me a curve ball.

One of my family members in Argentina was diagnosed with a nasty disease. At first I thought it was the end of the world. I was shocked; this person NEVER gets sick. I started imagining the worst. What would the rest of my family do? How would they keep going? Why did I move so far away? I felt guilty for not being there in this time of need. I worried, a lot.

That day when I got home from work; I called my family and they reassured me that even though the disease is there; it is early enough to where if certain measures are taken; it can be stopped in its tracks or slowed down considerably. I spoke my mind, loud and clear for all of them to hear. They asked I do not worry about it; and I said I would not if they promised to follow doctor's orders to the T. Luckily we came to an agreement. I know the road ahead is not an easy one for them as it involves quitting an addiction (smoking); but they are strong willed (as most of the members of my family) and I know they can do it.

On that day I decided I would go ahead and run my half marathon on saturday. I had not had a quality run (or a run) for a few weeks (since thanksgiving).In fact I was so focused on doing P90X that I had not swam, biked or ran for a couple of weeks. Now, let me tell you. After doing P90X for those couple of weeks, I realized that it was not the workout program for me. Why? It does not get me excited to follow it. As a matter of fact; I dreaded doing the workouts most of the days. Not because they were hard, but because they were boring. So I opted to just do their strength routines and kick up the Cardio with my own mix of Swim, bike & run.

Last month when I was sick for almost 2 weeks, coach and I decided that it would be best if i took the month off to fully recover. Besides, December tends to be a busy month for us in the accounting field; with holidays and fiscal year end all happening at the same time. So the training for this 1/2 marathon was put on hold. I still wanted to run the race, because stingy me had already paid the race fee and could not let the money go to waste, if you know what I mean :-). So I faced it as just a fun run. I would run it without any expectations. I would not push myself, I would just go and run, and have fun.

Saturday came along and I was up before the alarm clock went off. My body is so used to getting up at 5 am that I can't sleep past that time. Oh well. I got up and got ready. All dressed up in cold weather gear since it was below freezing and the high temperature for the morning was in the low 40's. I put on some tights, a wicking t-shirt and a warm wicking jacket (my favorite one... NIKE ) Got to the kitchen and made some breakfast. Some whole wheat waffles and propel water to drink. The breakfast of champions :-) I did my hair (pigtails and hat), grabbed some Gu's and headed out the door.

I got to the expo, picked up my packet, got my chip and bib number set up and headed to the potty lines. Of course, after all that propel water I needed to pee quite a bit. And then I witnessed something that was a "first" for me. The line for the MEN'S bathroom, was longer than the one for the women's. I smiled to myself. 

After using the facilities I headed to the start line. I tried using the signs for the pace groups to seed myself but once the crowd got bigger the pacers moved and I could not find them! As a result I think I was seeded incorrectly. Oh well, race was about to start and I did not have the energy to fight the crowd to try to go backwards.

The gun went off and we started running. The first mile is always hard. Your body is waking up and warming up. I passed the mile marker in 9.30.  I was going faster than I had anticipated but it felt good, it felt "natural".  I ran. I saw some familiar faces, I tuned into other people's conversations. I smiled at volunteers and traffic cops. I was just having a blast. I remember going through the 3 mile marker at 27 minutes. "Pretty good" I thought. I was running with my Garmin, just to see how long the course really was. Bad thing is that it had not acquired a signal when the gun went off, so I didn't start measuring until well into the first mile. I decided to keep it on just for the fun of it. To see what pace I was holding.

I was surprised. The little thing said I was running 8:54 and I did not even feel I was putting out an effort. I really cruised along the race. I was not "racing it"; I was just running. I drank at every water stop; alternating water and powerade. I even ran the water stops! Now, that's a first! I am always really clumsy and end up pouring the liquids on my body instead of in my mouth. But not this time. The course was hilly, and I could tell I was putting a slightly higher effort when going uphill, but nothing major. I was just keeping the pace. The only one goal I had for this race was to run the entire thing. I wanted to prove myself that no matter how slow I went, I would run it. Not even power walk it, run it. There is some kind of mental block I had with the distance for the longest time; and I wanted to overcome it.

I hit mile 7 in 1:03:xx. That is when I realized: "Holy shit! I am paced to come in at 2 hours or less". If you remember, that was my goal all along for this race. Break the 2 hour mark and have a great PR. I just could not believe it. Here I was, not even feeling like I was working; and yet within reach of my "dream goal". I told myself: "Don't get cocky, don't try to go faster; we are here to have fun". So I did. I just kept running.

Somehow, I was able to hold the pace. At mile 11, a guy in a Santa costume passed me and one of the spectators said: "Come on people! Run faster, you just got passed by Santa!" That made me laugh. That was another first... Laughing at mile 11. I am usually in some kind of mental battle at this point; but not Saturday. I was feeling it now though. I was starting to get tired, and putting an added effort. I just wanted to hold the pace to reach the sub 2 hour goal. I only had 2 more miles to go; but those 2 miles had some of the worst hills of the course.

Climb, climb, climb. Reach the top, turn right. Climb steep hill. Legs burn. Reach the top, turn right again; go down; reach the bottom. Repeat. That was how the last 2 miles were. My quads were burning. With less than .5 miles to go you took the last turn and you could see the finish line. Straight up there. Yes, I said UP. The freaking finish line was at an incline! No fair. I tried to kick it to the end; but my legs refused to turn any faster. I crossed the line. 

1:58:43. 

Holy freaking shit! An 18 minute PR. On a hilly course. I could not believe it. Seriously?! I was elated. Still am. I sent Liz a text. "I do not give my body enough credit".

I remember my first 1/2 marathon. It took me nearly 3 hours to finish it; and after I got back to the house I slept the rest of the day. Saturday, I ran and was FULLY functional all day. 

What baffles me the most is that I had taken my "off season" pretty seriously. I had been resting mightily. There had been no running for almost 3 weeks.  And yet, I managed to accomplish this. I guess rest does a body good :-). I am a believer now.

Change of plans

After much deliberating and a couple of good talks with Coach, we have decided that I would take the month of december off.

The past couple of weeks, I have been sick on and off. Cold, sore throat, sinus infection. I had them all. The body really took a heavy toll after all of these... And it needs rest.

It's not that I am not going to do "anything", I will be trying to get more muscular and lean; but I won't be "killing" myself or feel pressured about anything on the schedule. 

I am still undecided about the 1/2 marathon. A part of me wants to do it; because I know that even though I won't be able to go for my "dream goal" of under 2 hours I will be able to set a PR. I am in much better shape than last year. The other part thinks that I should take the entire month off, to properly re-energize myself with the want/need to swim/bike/run. Know what I mean?

So I guess I will play it by ear and see how I feel as the weeks progress. I will try to keep you all posted; but my life is not THAT exciting when you take training out of the equation.

Hope everyone is starting to get into the holiday spirit. We have started already, the tree is up; the Elf on the Shelf has appeared (he is one of Santa's helpers that comes and stays with us until Christmas, leaving every night to fly to the North Pole to report how Megan has been behaving), and Megan keeps repeating that we have to wait until Christmas to see the snow... 

Who knows? Maybe this year we will have a white Christmas in the Carolinas, and it will be her dream come true...

Wisdom

This past Friday I had my last 2 wisdom teeth removed. While it was a relatively painless procedure (I managed the pain with over the counter pain meds), the days that followed had me in a blue mood.

 

It is true what they say that exercising is great not only for the body, but also for the mind and the soul. Being sidelined due to much needed recovery is something that I do no appreciate much. Mind you, there is nothing wrong with resting. I love it when it is planned, but HAVING to rest is something that has the opposite effect in me. It makes me restless, it makes me second guess every little detail and decision. I guess you would call that insecurity, and perhaps I am plagued with it.

 

Thoughts of never doing enough, of never being good enough enter my head at least twice a month. Not good enough by whose standards? My own, of course! My husband and daughter adore me; and I am pretty sure they are proud of the things I do. But there is this little portion of me (or maybe not so little) that constantly thinks I could be better, that I should be better. And sometimes, it defeats the other rational side of the brain and sends me into a depressive panicky mode; where no matter what I do, it is never enough.

 

Call it weight loss, job performance, salary, mothering, being a wife, being a daughter, training, racing, whatever you want to call it. Whenever the nagging voice hits me, my performance on any of these things never seem to be good enough under my own standards. Self sabotage they say it’s called. And I am totally guilty of it.

 

I was raised in a loving family environment. Parents, brothers, extended family they were, and still are, all great supporters. Yet somehow, every once in a while their expectations seemed to be so completely outrageous that led us to failure and even lies. Yes, I admit it, I lied to my parents. But lets be honest, who hasn’t? And while not every lie is the same; a lie is a lie no matter what. And there is a burden to be carried because of these lies. Not because of the lies themselves but because of the feelings that led us to those lies.

 

One of the situations I remember quite vividly is during one of my finals in my 3^rd year of college. I had studied and worked for most of the year. Get up early; go to school in the morning; eat lunch; work part time in the afternoon; go home and study. There wasn’t a lot of time left for anything other than studying. Somehow I managed to have a boyfriend who attended the same school; but once he decided to change careers and transfer to another school; the relationship became inevitably broken. Heartache ensued, and no matter how much I tried to keep things separate and in perspective, there are times when your emotions take over your rational self.

 

I went to take the final; and of all the possible topics the Professor had to choose from; he chose the one I had not prepared. The one and only I was not ready to face. I failed the test. Call me silly; some people wouldn’t even consider going to take the final without being fully prepared; but I decided to take the chance. It did not go as planned and I learned my lesson. Knowing about my dad’s high expectations when it related to school work, I lied. I could not bear the thought about disappointing him; about telling him that I had failed, on a task that seemed simple enough. After all, the only thing they wanted from me was to be “good” at school. They didn’t make me work, I did it because I wanted my own money, my financial independence. So I lied. I told them I never showed up to the exam.

 

Would he have lectured me about prioritizing school work? Absolutely. Would he have been disappointed about me failing the test? I am not quite sure. Would it have caused him tons of heartache? No, it was just a test; it’s not like I did not graduate because of it. However, I  believe that it is because of little things like this; engrained in our brain, in our behaviors; that we self sabotage. Little past experiences build your character, and it is your actions back then that determine how you will face certain things in the future.

 

This is something I struggle with on a daily basis; balancing high expectations, with more rational ones. Wanting to be the best, with being the best I CAN be. Realizing that there will always be someone that beats you at something and letting go of it.  Being happy with who I am and how I am.

 

When I ask my husband how I look, or if there is something I need to improve; his answer is always the same: "your self esteem". Words of wisdom, from those who love us the most. It is time for me to start listening.

Ups & Downs

So far this week has been interesting. After taking a week vacation and pretty much slacking in terms of training; I am back at getting up at the crack of dawn to workout. My body has been complaining about the “new” old schedule and not very keen on being put in motion at 4:30 in the AM. When 9:30 pm rolls around I am usually in bed, attempting to watch some TV and end up asleep with my glasses on. Can you say tired??

 

Work has been work; some good days, some bad days. Some days when I question my career, some days when I love what I do. I guess you could say it is a bag of mixed feelings. On one hand I’d like to have more free time to dedicate to the sport, and on the other hand I do not want to put the responsibility of supporting this family entirely on Todd’s shoulders. Not that he is not capable of it; he is more than capable. I just think it is not fair. Why should I be the one that gets to pursue the time consuming sport and not him? I am no better or deserve it more than he does. Know what I mean? My head has gone back and forth on this matter many times and I still have not been able to make a decision.

 

Not to mention how guilty I feel when I leave for 3 hours straight during the weekends to go ride my bike, or swim in the open water, or run. This sport is what keeps me healthy, sane in the head, it is my ME time. And yet, I feel guilty for spending time on something so selfish. That is why I get up at the crack of dawn, to make sure I am using as little of the available family time we have. I know this will get easier as Megan gets older and she becomes more independent. Not to mention when she reaches an appropriate age to even join me in some of the activities. Some days I can’t wait for that to happen; and some other days I do not want her to grow up. Another bag of mixed feelings here. See a pattern?

 

I have also been struggling with my diet. I am not trying to lose weight. I am not starving myself. I am just having a hard time with my nutrition. And my GI tract is paying the price. I do not think that my diet is horrible and full of junk food; but evidently there is something that is not working as it is supposed to. I guess I have always struggled with keeping my diet clean, and for some reason I am having the hardest time now. I know it is a very important part of what we do; of this sport, and somehow I can’t get around to fixing it. I even got a nutrition consultation to get some ideas on what I was doing right and what I was not; only to not even pay attention to it.

 

Lots of things are going through my head these days, lots of questions. Emotions have been taking me by surprise; and sometimes I have been able to handle them just fine; and other times I have crashed and burned.  

 

Ups & downs they call them, right?

My baby is growing up....

Megan is 4 today. Here she is through the years...

A few days after she was born....

At her first birthday party...

When she turned 2....

As a princess turning 3...

And now... 

She is getting big super fast!

I'm Baaaaaack!!!

From vacation that is :)

We had a wonderful time at the beach. It was Megan's first time to see the ocean and we had a blast! Training got sidetracked for the sake of family vacation (totally worth it), but I am back on it as of today with a whopping 3 hour workout day and another 3 hour training day tomorrow.

Still getting acclimated to having a schedule again... I will post more later, and maybe even some pictures (if I can remember to bring the camera upstairs the next time I climb up the stairs... lazy me does not want to go up and down JUST to get the camera... know what I mean??)

5 Years ago today...

Todd and I were doing this....

Happy Anniversary honey!

I am so lucky to have found you. Love you to the sky :)