So far this week has been interesting. After taking a week vacation and pretty much slacking in terms of training; I am back at getting up at the crack of dawn to workout. My body has been complaining about the “new” old schedule and not very keen on being put in motion at 4:30 in the AM. When 9:30 pm rolls around I am usually in bed, attempting to watch some TV and end up asleep with my glasses on. Can you say tired??
Work has been work; some good days, some bad days. Some days when I question my career, some days when I love what I do. I guess you could say it is a bag of mixed feelings. On one hand I’d like to have more free time to dedicate to the sport, and on the other hand I do not want to put the responsibility of supporting this family entirely on Todd’s shoulders. Not that he is not capable of it; he is more than capable. I just think it is not fair. Why should I be the one that gets to pursue the time consuming sport and not him? I am no better or deserve it more than he does. Know what I mean? My head has gone back and forth on this matter many times and I still have not been able to make a decision.
Not to mention how guilty I feel when I leave for 3 hours straight during the weekends to go ride my bike, or swim in the open water, or run. This sport is what keeps me healthy, sane in the head, it is my ME time. And yet, I feel guilty for spending time on something so selfish. That is why I get up at the crack of dawn, to make sure I am using as little of the available family time we have. I know this will get easier as Megan gets older and she becomes more independent. Not to mention when she reaches an appropriate age to even join me in some of the activities. Some days I can’t wait for that to happen; and some other days I do not want her to grow up. Another bag of mixed feelings here. See a pattern?
I have also been struggling with my diet. I am not trying to lose weight. I am not starving myself. I am just having a hard time with my nutrition. And my GI tract is paying the price. I do not think that my diet is horrible and full of junk food; but evidently there is something that is not working as it is supposed to. I guess I have always struggled with keeping my diet clean, and for some reason I am having the hardest time now. I know it is a very important part of what we do; of this sport, and somehow I can’t get around to fixing it. I even got a nutrition consultation to get some ideas on what I was doing right and what I was not; only to not even pay attention to it.
Lots of things are going through my head these days, lots of questions. Emotions have been taking me by surprise; and sometimes I have been able to handle them just fine; and other times I have crashed and burned.
Ups & downs they call them, right?
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