I thought long and hard about what I would write when I posted this race report. I still haven't quite figured it out. In a nutshell, it was the worst race I have ever executed. It was windy, it was hot, and I messed it up big time. I lost it, broke down and was never able to pick myself up.
The swim was ok, I positioned myself in the middle of my wave and when the gun went off I promptly got swum over. I did not panic, but it took me a while to find my rhythm. We were swimming on a lake, the pretties one I've ever swum in; you could see your hands and sometimes the bottom as well. I had a few minor issues here, I got hit on the face and had to stop to put my goggles back on; and I also got a cramp on my left foot. Overall, I improved 2 minutes from last year's Half IM swim. I did notice that I was not going on a straight line; and I need to keep practicing to make sure I swim as straight as possible.
T1 was uneventful. I got all my stuff on and headed out.
The bike started out good; I felt awesome the first hour. I got all my nutrition down; my cadence was right where it had to be. My HR did not go higher than Z3 the entire time; and I was keeping a pretty good speed. Then when we took a turn into the 20 mile stretch of road, they also turned on the wind and they left it on for the remainder of the race. At some point during hour 2, I got so focused on getting to T2 at a specific time; that I totally blew my nutrition. I found myself drinking just water, instead of my Gu2o; and having a hard time eating my Clif blocks.
At about mile 45 on the bike, I lost it. I realized I had slacked on my nutrition, the wind was still on; my legs were toast. I found myself yelling at the wind to stop. Talk about crazy, right?? The pavement turned really rough and my stomach was done.
When I rolled into T2, I knew I was in for a tough run. I put on my running shoes, grabbed my belt, visor and nutrition and headed out. I ran less than 1/4 mile; and then my stomach revolted, my legs called it quits and I started self doubting myself. Here is a sample of all the things that went through my head:
- You suck
- Why the hell are you doing this?
- How are you going to finish Ironman if you can't even run a Half Ironman?
- Everybody is better than you
- You should quit right now
- You should drop off from Ironman
I was so concerned about what all of you would think that I considered a DNF instead of posting the time I ended up posting. I felt so embarrased. I fought really hard with my inner competitive self. I WALKED the entire 1/2 marathon; and it took me almost the same amount of time to go the 13 miles on the "run" than it took me to go the 56 miles on the bike.
Of course I am not pleased with my results. I was ready to have a great race; and it is entirely my fault that I did not follow my race plan. And I am now experiencing what happens when you don't go according to plan. Is it easy? NO. Did I learn anything from it? YES.
I was so focused on posting an x:xx time; that I completely blew it. And I wanted to post that time so that all of you could see how good I am. And then is when I realized: Since when do I do this sport for others and not myself?? When did I lose sight of the most important part of the equation? Myself and MY achievements.
It is a hard way to learn the lesson, a HUGE humbling experience but I am glad it happened. My focus and my priorities are once again where they need to be; and I am ready to move forward.
It sounds like it was not the day for a PR. Some days are just like that and you move on. But they're not a reflection of you as an athlete or a person. Btw, my former coach Karen Buxton (from NC) also did this race and called it a sufferfest. Sounds like no one had a really good day! It awesome that you took away valuable lessons. And remember, you toughed it out even though you wanted to quit. That counts for a lot.
ReplyDeleteDanni, I'm going to tell you what Damie told me after I had the EXACT same thing happen at Gulf Coast Triathlon last year in my preparations for IM Lake Placid.
ReplyDeleteThis was not your 'A' race. You are focused on IM. This was 'practice' for that day and now you've gotten the bad day out of you so you can rock it on IM day - the day that REALLY matters this year. Chin up - you GOT this!!
Danni - I agree with what everyone is saying. Completely! When the going gets really tough - well, it would have been EASY to DNF...but you stuck it through. If I could give you a hug, I would give you the biggest one...
ReplyDeleteIts great when races go well, everything is smooth, the nutrition is spot on, our legs feel great, our hr is behaving itself...but that's not always the case. It's the HARD races, the races where I've had to gut it out, where I've felt like I want to just pull over and quit...those are the ones where I learn the most. Its really hard going through them - but being able to look back and see what worked and more importantly - what didn't work, that's golden. Laura is totally right - you're in IM preparation mode, and Saturday was a great way of figuring a few things out.
And for what its worth - I think that you're amazing. When push came to shove, you did it. And not everyone has the courage to stick the tough time out. Great job Danni - you learned a heckuva lot and will be that much more prepared for next time!
You took the high road and you finished the race. Time to refocus. This wasn't your 'A' race - just a dress rehearsal for the big dance.
ReplyDeleteYou can DO this!!
You struggled with something EVERY athlete has at one time struggled with during a race.
ReplyDeleteIn the middle of a bad race it is totally normal to have your ego and fears take control. It is hard to stay tough and rational when you are striped to your element and stressed.
Remind yourself that your performance has nothing to do with your self-worth or how people view you. I think sometimes we all take this a little too seriously. Bottom line is that no one but a few top elites get paid to do this sport - the rest of us actually pay big $$ to do it and why...? TO HAVE FUN and challenge ourselves! To find out more, to have an adventure out there, to push limits and see what happens when we ask ourselves what if or why not? Look at it like that and you are a CHAMP on any day.
Assure yourself that the only opinions that matter are those closest to you - family, true friends. And they will love you and admire you no matter your time on race day.
I think you're a star!
Once I stopped focusing on what I perceived people thought of me or my race times (huge mistake, IMO) and accepted where I was at any given moment things got a lot more fun. AND my times started improving too, and to this day show no signs of stopping!
ReplyDelete70.3 is no joke. Whether you've done one before or 100 it's a long distance. For you this season it's a stepping stone to IM and also a continued learning experience. If I had to bet at some point in the future you will probably look back and be genuinely glad this happened at this time.
:-)
yeah, carrying the weight of what we think or fear other people think of us is brutal!! and it's a losing battle because it's based on fear and assumption.
ReplyDelete*you* know who you are and what you are capable of. *you* know the work you put into your training and *you* know that you are just perfect *exactly* as you are. so, you get out there and race YOUR race and be the woman you want to be. period.
i think you ought to be proud of your accomplishment ... just think of all the people who never even attempt to get to the starting line.
i'm sending you a big hug!!
cat.
What's so great about this sport is that it is an INDIVIDUAL sport.
ReplyDeleteIt's just you out there.
Of course, YOU are always your worst critic, but YOU can also be your biggest fan.
I have struggled with a lot of the same things you have...but in the end, I'm only racing ME. No one else.
Sounds like you had an awesome swim - focus on that. Look how far you have come from last year.
Keep it up! Eye on the prize! Focus on YOU and leave everyone else out on the course.
I am so impressed that you finished that dam race! How tough, but more important that you stuck with it. And, I can relate - did something very similar in a half ironman in 07 and forgot to EAT on the bike until mile 39!!! Let's say my 1/2 marathon was a crawl as well. Great news is that it did not happen at IM, better now - if ever!
ReplyDelete