Update

I can't believe it has been over a week since I updated the blog. Things have been pretty hectic around here. If you are my friend in FB, then you have seen me swear at various levels.

Work has been stressful to say the least. The merger is finally complete and the "little" shop I used to work for is now part of a multinational corporation where the rules are very strict and things are done way too differently. Just in case I have not said it enough already, I work for the accounting group of said corporation and after 2 weeks of our main system being down, it is now up and running; right at month end. Oh yeah, not only do we have to get used to the new system and try to learn it asap, we also have to close the month on schedule. There is not even a little bit of leeway for us numbers people.

My boss-man has not been the most helpful person lately. He has assumed a "very relaxed" position, while I am the one that is racking up her brains trying to figure out how we (or should I just simply say I) are going to do things.

There were a couple of days were I was on the verge of tears. Everything is centralized now and you pretty much need to do your part and then submit it to other for "execution". Well, those others are not doing their job the way they are supposed to and I am the one facing "the public". I have been getting phone calls from people that think I am as dumb as a brick, good for nothing, where in reality it is not me that is at fault; but others.

For a moment I thought: f*ck it! I am not going to care about it anymore. If my boss assumes the position that he is all cool and not worried about things getting done; then neither will I. If things don't get done, I won't care. But then it hit me: that is not who I am. I care. I know we have the responsibility of getting things done; and one way or another they have to be done. So I am the one that is usually worrying about everything.

I have been having really bad nights; where I really can't sleep well and I wake up all sweaty and stuff. And I worried about my training. I was concerned that my body was feeling overtrained already and I got scared. After all, it is the beginning of the year and I just took a month rest. But then I pieced it all together and realized it is just stress from work that has me all messed up. I wake up all fired up and do my workouts no problem, but when I realize that I have to go to work, my heart gets all heavy and my mood takes a turn for the worse.

It is definitely not fun. But hopefully things will get better once we get past this week and the next one. Luckily this time Todd is not traveling, so at least I have him at home to share the parenting duties.

On a happier note, this Friday husband and I have a date night. We are going out to dinner and then to catch a showing of Rent (the musical) that includes two of the original cast members. Rent is my favorite broadway musical and I love everything about it. I think the message it's great and the music is just fenomenal.

For dinner we are going to one of my favorite places: The melting pot. I know, it is not the most "balanced" eating, lots of cheese, bread, wine and chocolate; but we never splurge like this anymore. So I am going to allow myself to fully enjoy it without regret. Maybe not a lot of wine, because I do have a 2 hour workout the next morning, but definitely a lot of food :)

As a round-up of last week, I am happy to report that I completed my tests in all the sports and even though there was no improvement since the last time; I have not gone backwards. Or as Coach puts it; I am starting up at last year's peak. And that is damn good!

We also had the chance to identify some things that are holding me back, which I will be working on very consciously going forward. Sometimes you just have to make yourself DO something, get to the place you are afraid of, to trully realize there is nothing to be scared of. I plan on getting there.

So as I sit here tonight, I can say that I sort of see the light at the end of the tunnel. And I plan to head towards it with all my might. Hopefully it is not the train coming in the opposite direction :)

POWER!!!

I can't believe it is only 12:30 and I have already had somewhat of a full day.

It all started at 4:45 this morning. For some reason, my body has been deciding to wake up way before the alarm goes off, with me being wide awake at about 4 am. Today I managed to stay sort of relaxed until 4:45. On my schedule for today was a bike test.

About a week ago, I purchased a new piece of equipment to use with my bike when I ride indoors. I purchased a new trainer that is actually like a computrainer but a different brand called Tacx. I set it up last weekend and immediatly tried it. I loved what I saw. It measures power, cadence, distance, speed. You can also adjust slopes, so when you need to feel like you are going uphill, instead of switching to a harder gear; you just crank up the slope and then you are able to ride your bike as you would outside. The only problem I encountered with this new friend of mine, was the installation of the software on the PC. For some stupid reason every time I connect it to the USB port it asks me to re-install the driver for the bike computer. Certainly a minor issue, but annoying nonetheless.

As most of yuu know the tests call for you to not eat for the 2 hours prior to the test; so this morning I got up at 4:45 with the sole purpose of eating some breakfast. I got up, went downstairs; ingested some toast and guess what?? I went back to bed and set the alarm for 7 am! I hae the day off from work, so I was not about to stay up. Know what I mean?? When the alarm went off I got dressed and ready to test.

I got to my little "workout room", set up my stuff and got on the bike. The warm up was uneventful. I kept it really easy and spun my legs as best as I could. After the warmup was done; I recalibrated the computer to get the most accurate data detail as possible. Reset the HR monitor, take a sip of sports drink and go.

The test comprised of 2x8 minute sets where you are supposed to go as fast as you can, separated by 4 minutes of easy spinning. My goodness! I did not know what I got myself into when I bought the new whatchamacallit.

Liz had advised me that it would hurt in my lungs and legs. And boy, did it ever!!!! I could feel my heart pounding in my cheast, my breath burning my throat and my mouth getting dry with every second that went by. Those first 8 minutes seemed to last an eternity. I wanted to stop so badly! But I made it and the 4 minutes easy spin in between the 2 tests where so welcome!

The second set was more of the same. Hurt as badly, my lungs and legs burnt. I tried to keep the power level at the same numbers than the first set, but fatigue in the legs had started to set in and it showed. This time I covered the computer screen and focused on the music I had playing on my iPod. When it was over, all I had left was a 15 minute cool down along with a 15 minute run off the bike. Surprisingly, the run felt quite good. I thought my legs would be shot, but they actually fared pretty well.

After sending all the data to Liz, I had to get ready for my next adventure of the day. A date with my Father in Law at the shooting range!!!!

I had never shot a gun before and pretty much all the members of my husband's immediate family had told me how much fun it was. So I decided to give it a go. A couple of months ago I would have told you I was anti-guns, but with the husband traveling and spending many a nights alone in the house with Megan I started considering keeping a gun in the house for protection. But first I needed to learn how to shoot and see if I felt comfortable holding a gun.

After going through the safety issues about 3 times and showing me how to properly handle the gun we got to the firing line; put the target out and shot. Wow! What a rush. I tought I'd be scared, but I wasn't. I'd be lying if I said that the noise did not make me jump at first; but it was more from the other people in the range than from the gun I was firing. At first my aim was horrible, but once I kind of got used to what to expect I did much better. Did I enjoy it? Yes. Did I feel comfortable with it? yes. Would I want to go back? Yes. Am I still considering keeping a gun in the house? Yes, given that we take the needed precautions to keep it out of Megan's reach and sight. Luckily for us, my father in law is very versed in firearms and is willing to help me make sure it is all the way it's supposed to be.

Today was a day where I felt powerful; both on the bike and at the range.

I do not know what the numbers I sent to Liz from the bike test mean, or even if I am about average for someone my age and size. But I felt that given the proper training and recovery it can only get better. I still trust the plan, and most importantly the coach. I just now have different tools to get where I want to go.

Nutrition, Nutrition, Nutrition

Before the holidays; exactly 3 days before Xmas, I took the next step towards my Ironman success and had a nutrition consultation with a local gal that I had met a few months ago. 

Coach had sent us some information regarding nutrition that pretty much hit home with me; and after thinking about if for a couple of days I came to the realization that I needed to pay more attention to my fueling schedule/nutrition needs.

So after talking with Diane (the nutritionist) about getting together; I made the appointment at her clinic and off I went. We met the Monday before Xmas. I arrived just on the nick of time to my 4:30 appointment and we talked for a long time. She asked me what my typical food choices for a day were and after I told her; she said to me something Coach had been telling me all along: You need to eat more.

Now, don't get me wrong. I trust Coach immensely. She KNOWS her stuff, she is awesome sharing  her knowledge. But food and I have had a rocky relationship all along; and being told that I need to eat more is no easy pill to swallow. 

I grew up on the chubby side. Not overweight, but festively plump :). The society I was raised on (Latin America) is very concerned about how people look. I will make a stupid example here; but it is one that will show you just how important being thin is in my home country. When you go out here; be it to bars or a club to go dancing; you will see overweight people, obese if you will being out there and having fun. Granted; it pretty much depends on how the person feels about his/herself; but they are out there. In my home country, you do not see them. Why? Because the people around them would just STARE them down and prevent them from having any fun. As if being overweight makes you less human. Horrible; I know, but that's I were I grew up. 

Being on the chubby side, I had a couple of family members who upon seeing me; the first comment they would make would be: "Wow, you have gained some lbs" or "You are looking nice, have you been dieting?". So I started getting concerned about they way I looked at a very young age. At the time my weight was a factor of my moods. Once I hit a very HARD depressing time where I did not want to eat and I lost almost 10 lbs in a month. Now, for someone my size, 10 lbs is a whole lot of weight; and I didn't necessarily have the need to lose it. Know what I mean?

Fast forward to after having my daughter. While I was pregnant with Megan, I made the terrible mistake of letting myself eat whatever I wanted; whenever I wanted. So, I gained 50 lbs; which left me really overweight for someone my height. I struggled with this for the better part of 3 years and then when I started training with coach; the weight just melted away. I am now even smaller than I was before I got pregnant.

Even thought I am at a healthy weight/size; there is always this little voice  in the back of my head that is constantly paranoid about eating too much and gaining all the weight back.  As I said before, Coach had told me about eating more a long time ago; I just never wanted to believe it. 

This year I turned the corner and realized that nutrition is key if I want to perform at the level I wish to perform at my races. I can't feed my body crap and expect it to perform at top shape. Along the same lines, I can't starve it and expect no bad consequences. So that is why I decided to consult a nutritionist. To learn more, to be informed and to have someone to turn to when I need reassurance that what I am doing is the right way to go. And being able to see that person face to face is key to me because I can express all my concerns much more easily than by email.

Armed with a new pool of knowledge I started my healthy eating journey; with the intention of making this lifestyle change for good. A couple of days ago, I started a food journal and could not believe what I saw the first 3 days. I am BARELY scratching the surface of the calories I need to ingest. Even after a week of conscious eating; where I thought I was definitely eating enough; I am not getting in enough calories.

To discover that I need to eat even more is not easy to come to terms with. After all, it goes against all that I have ever believed in. But I am determined to get this right. If I want to succeed, I need to re-learn how to eat. It will take time; the best thing I can do is to make small changes every week. Try new things, see what works and what doesn't. I guess it is a bit like practicing your race plan. You try and you try until you get it down pat. 

It is another one of those where you have to have a talk with yourself and decide to trust the plan. I talked and I listened. My head and my soul trust the plan. Now it's just time to put it into action. Food is my new friend. Nutrition is KEY.

 

The first week of '09

Wow, I can't believe I am already done with my first training week for this year. Granted,  I did start early (monday the 29th), so for the finicky people it might not be the entire week; but I will count it as the first training week of '09.

I thought this week was going to kick my butt and leave me seriously sore; but it didn't happen that way. Besides a minor lack of sleep I think I am doing pretty good. I am actually more tired from working than working out. Ha!

Work has been another issue altogether. My co-worker's job was terminated on wednesday due to the merger, so I am now flying solo. We had known her job was coming to an end for a while now, but it was really sad to see it actually happening. It was about a little over a year ago that she first started and I remember not being able to connect with her very well. She was very shy and quiet. A couple of months passed and all of the sudden she told me there was something she needed to tell me: "I am 5 months pregnant".  She had found out about 2 weeks into the new job and she was afraid the boss would get angry. I did suspect it; after all there were some signs like going to the doctor every 4 weeks. But as I said she was very reserved, and I respected it.

After the cat was let out of the box, she opened up immensely, and we had some good times. We made a great team. She would help me out when needed and vice versa. I am going to miss her. Not just because I will have to do the work that 2 people did; but because our office (now only mine) will seem too quiet and not even the loudest music will be able to replace the conversations we had. Talking about our daughters, our significant others, our families. She even let me talk her ear out with all things triathlon! She knew when my big race was in '08 and even sent me a text message (I had told her how long I thought it would take me to finish the race) after I finished to congratulate me for it. I mean, it doesn't get better than that, does it?

So this year has already started with some challenges. Even though I have the same job and the same pay; I am learning the ropes of the "new world" post merger; and trying to make a name for myself. I hate sounding like this; but in times like these times, you can't count on people "having your back"; it seems as if it is the survival of the fittest, so I am left with no other option than to play the game. 

Don't worry, there are good things coming my way too. Some new "toys" that I have ordered that will make my training time much more enjoyable and efficient. Once they arrive and I set them up I will let you all know, and maybe I will even venture into posting a review, a la Wes.

For now, I am going to go and enjoy family time. This weekend it is for sleeping in, relaxing and re-charging batteries for when the staring bell goes off on monday at 5am.

Later dudes!

Here comes 2009... oh no, wait... it's already here!

Wow, 2008 is over. Done. Finished. Left behind.

I'd be lying if I said I did not enjoy it. It was quite the roller coaster ride. Lots of changes, good news, bad news, new friendships, rekindling old friendships, connecting with people, feeling disconnected from the world.

I saw a big change happen within myself. I saw my true colors. Did I like all of them? Not necessarily. But I am embracing this discovery. Accepting it. 

2008 saw me make a big commitment to the sport of triathlon. It was the year I realized I am truly passionate about it, the year I discovered I want to be GOOD at it, the year when I realized that the training is more than half the fun, the year when I signed up for my first Ironman.

2008 helped me realize that people are not indestructible, even the ones we always thought were made of steel. It helped me figure out that all it takes is determination and a strong will to get rid of a bad habit (Dad, I am so PROUD of you for quitting smoking). It helped me make peace with myself; with who I am.

2008 was a great year; full of growth & self discovery. I could not have asked for more.

2009 is here now, and I have a feeling it is going to be even BETTER than 2008. There is much more to be discovered, more adventures to be had, more love to be given.

I hope 2009 finds all of you in good health and excellent spirits. I am expecting another roller coaster ride; after all, that is life. 

Wanna come along?