Accepting my reality and enjoying the process

A lot of water has gone under the bridge since I last updated. My relationship with food is still a work in progress with success in some areas and adjustments still needed to be made in others. My schedule is coming along nicely. I have finally signed up for all my races this season, and I am looking forward to racing.

Training is coming along nicely, despite some major interruptions from mother nature here in the South. I have been able to keep a somewhat consistent schedule, with the exception of those days in which I was snowed in with the kids. If I have to be honest I felt like a total "poser" during those days. I mean, hardcore triathletes would not let a simple snow storm prevent them from getting into the pool or going out for a run. But in reality, it was practically impossible for me to get things done. I was alone with the kids, husband was stuck out of town due to the same snow storm that had me stuck inside the house; the city has no infrastructure to plow/salt the streets, and drivers have NO clue how to maneuver in the snow. Going outside was NOT an option, risking an accident in the name of training is stupid. Our treadmill is broken, so the only thing I was able to do (provided that my 3 year old decided to take a nap) was ride my bike. I was NOT happy, I felt stranded, going backwards, like I was never going to be able to make progress. It was a rough couple of days. And I made it through them.

I have a really bad habit (as you can probably see from the paragraph above) of comparing myself to others; at always being sad/upset for not being faster/better/prettier/skinnier/healthier/smarter/not having more time to dedicate to the sport/you name it, I am not good enough/suck at it. So I am trying to make a conscious effort to accept my reality as it is and not view it as something that defines me. Just because I can't run a 7:xx mile doesn't mean that my fastest mile is not awesome for me. And it also doesn't mean that I will never get faster.

Learning to accept and be grateful for what I have is not as easy as it sounds. When your head is plagued by constant self criticism/comparison/feelings of non-deserving; it really is an uphill battle. A battle that I fight every day. But I am learning to enjoy the process. Keeping an open mind and acknowledging day in and day out that I might not be the best; but I am the best ME right this moment. I have come a long way, but there is still a lot of work to be done. This is my life, these are the choices I made, and know what? It is pretty damn good!