Settling in

It has been a couple of weeks since the arrival of the newest member of our family. Exactly two weeks today; and things are settling in nicely. The little man and I have been at home alone for two days now; and we have been doing pretty well.

On Monday he allowed me to walk on the treadmill for a whole mile! Now, before you laugh, a mile is a considerable distance given the fact that the last few weeks of pregnancy were extremely hard and most of my exercise vanished. I am slowly getting back into things; with slowly being the key word. You see, I still do not have medical clearance to do "Aerobic" workouts (which I consider to be running and biking); not to mention getting in the pool, as my lady bits still have stitches that need healing. And as an added bonus, after childbirth my bladder has been left pretty weak; which has caused a LOT of crying fits and a sense of helplessness that I do not wish upon anybody.

Yesterday morning we headed out for our first mother/son outing. Destination?? The mall. I am still in charge of Christmas shopping for the family, so with Xmas getting closer and closer in the horizon I needed to get my act together and head out to get the shopping done. I am happy to say that we did GREAT. We got the shopping done, and even had lunch (both of us) without any major meltdowns (from either of us). You might consider this not a very big deal, but let me reassure you that after feeling completely wiped last week, the mere fact that I have the energy to go somewhere is an amazing feat. 

Things are slowly starting to fall into place. At this time the mere thought of going back to work in a short 6 weeks has me in a little bit of a panic; but on the other hand, it is still 6 weeks away and I am sure that by the time the day to go back to work comes I will be more than ready (at least I was with Megan). We have already picked the daycare the little man is going to go, which so happens to be the same one that Megan attended; and now it is just a matter of time. 

This morning I was able to sneak in another workout. I walked on the mill for 1.5 miles, I even had the incline at 1%; and then I did some TRX moves. I focused mostly on my biceps and triceps and also did some squats. Managed to do 2 sets of 20 after my walk just in time for Brody's feeding. I know it is not a lot, but for my body it was plenty. It already hurts going up and down stairs; so I will be sore tomorrow for sure! I had forgotten how good the "good hurt" felt. 

Sometimes I find my patience being tested. Ok, not sometimes, all the time. Especially when it comes to body image and feeling good in my own skin. I know it took 9 months for my body to create a life; I know my body went through a lot of changes; I know it will take time for me to get back to where I once was. But a part of me wants it to happen NOW. Granted, I look much better 2 weeks post delivery this time around than I did with Megan, but I still want more. I wish I was one of those people that could immediately bounce back from pregnancy looking fabulous, but I am not. And coping with that reality is sometimes hard; more so, when you know you need to wait to go back to fully exercising at the level you once did. It is like being between a rock and a hard place. For me to get my body back I need to exercise; but if I do too much too soon, I risk injury or a set back on my recovery.

All in all, things are going well. Being a family of four really suits us. Megan loves the little guy; every morning when she wakes up she asks about him, if he is awake by the time she leaves for school, she will kiss him; and is ecstatic when I go pick her up from the after-school program with her brother in tow. Todd and I are incredibly happy.  We are so proud of our two children!

Weekend Mish mash

I am a little behind on updating the good old blog. I can’t believe it has been over a week already. I have been so busy with work, training and life in general that I have barely had time to relax.  

Training went well this past week. I managed to get all my workouts in, even after a very bad failed attempt at my long run on Monday after work. It was the typical case of “the body complained a little louder than normal, I got scared and I quit”. I had a mini meltdown (lasted about 30 minutes) and then realized that what’s done is done and there is no point on beating myself up about it. Moved on.

The rest of the week I focused on giving the best I had for every single workout. They might not have been my best ones, but the effort was there. Work was insanely busy; as it is yet again month end/quarter end and we are plagued by deadlines. I kept my sanity the best I could, and I think it worked. Someone challenged me to post nothing but positive updates to my Facebook status; that proved to be hard! I guess my mindset is set on the more negative side of things and I decided to work diligently on changing that.  

Over the weekend I had a couple of long workouts to tackle. On the schedule were a long brick for Saturday; and originally a rest day for Sunday, which I decided to use to make up for my failed long run attempt. I was super excited at both: riding outside for the first time, and redeeming myself for that run where I chickened out. I knew the run would be hard the day after the long brick and I thought it would be the perfect opportunity to quiet the voices in my head that want to make me stop when it hurts.  

I set off on Saturday at about 8 am with my bike fully equipped for my 3:45 ride. I decided I would ride with my ART doctor, since he just got a bike and was looking for someone to ride with. We met up with the idea of him riding with me the first hour and then splitting so that I could hit the faster intervals I had prescribed. The first hour was easy. I rode at his pace and gave him some tips on shifting and climbing. We went the route that I always use and I was very pleased to find out that the hills that used to leave me breathing hard last summer did not represent that big of a challenge anymore. Score! 

We did the one loop and then according to plan we split. I went back for take number 2 on the loop and that is when I almost got hit 3 times. Not one time, 3 FREAKING TIMES. For the first time I felt unsafe on my bike. People were driving like maniacs, passing me with less than 5 inches clearance between my elbow and their side mirrors; disregarding my signaling turns and passing me as I am attempting to merge to a different lane. I was not being impolite to drivers. I was riding practically on the white line; letting cars go before me if I got stopped at a traffic light in the front of the line. And yet, they decided to be complete jerks. My nerves got to a point where I just wanted off. My legs were fine, my stomach was fine, I was hydrated; I could have finished the time Coach wanted me to ride. I had only 39 minutes to go; and I felt at risk of being run over. I thought it over and decided to call it a day for riding. I got off the bike and went on to do my transition run as planned.  

After I was done I called Coach and vented nice and long. I was severely upset. She assured me the time I had ridden was more than enough for my training and that sometimes these things happen. Moving on.  

Sunday was a jam packed day. I got up early again to go out on my long run. I will just say, it was hard. My legs were pretty tired but I made a point of not worrying about how fast I was going and just running. I ended up covering a nice distance, not my best but it did the trick.  

After lunch Megan had a couple of activities lined up. First an Easter egg hunt hosted by one of the kids in her classroom and then Playhouse Disney live. The Egg hunt was fun; the parents of the hosting child pulled it off very nicely considering this was a public park. Megan had a blast and was able to monkey around in the playground after the Egg hunt was over.  

Off we went to Playhouse Disney live. We had pretty good seats, row 2, about 40 feet from the stage. From the moment we got in, Megan was ON. She played along with every single thing they said, she yelled as loud as she could, danced, jumped up and down. Basically, moved the whole time. Towards the end of the show, the kids are allowed to stand right in front of the stage (not on stage though) and dance along with the characters. Megan was waving at everybody, then all of the sudden one of the characters made eye contact with her and waved right back. Oh my goodness! The expression on her face. She ran back to me as fast as she could and said: “Mommy, Mommy! Darby (character from My friends Tigger and Pooh show) just waved at me; did you see it??” And that right there, her sheer happiness was worth EVERY penny we paid for those seats. It brought tears to my eyes. It was perfect. I just wanted to hug her as hard as I could. 

It was a full weekend. Up next rest week. And I can't wait!

Another saturday update!

This week was a challenging one. Megan has been on antibiotics since friday of last week; and on monday they prescribed yet another medicine because after they did the long culture they found she had strep as well.

I don't know if it has been the illness or what; but her behavior at school changed dramatically this week. She went from being a really happy kid, participating in activities, playing with the other children; to a kid that cries all day for no apparent reason, does not participate, does not eat or does not play with others.

And I have been consumed with guilt. Guilt for being at work all day, guilt for wanting to take time for myself and train, guilt for a million reasons. And I by friday I was emotionally drained. It also does not help that we have entered the part of the month were my job becomes really busy and demanding, so I leave mentally exhausted. All of this makes me worried. Worried that there is something going on that I am missing. And when I try to "extract" answers from my child she does not provide them for me. And I have tried. Let her color, play pretend with dolls, ask open ended questions. She does not seem to realize that she was crying all day. She will tell me: Such and such did not let me play with such toy. And that is not a reason for her to cry ALL day, or is it? But yet, that is the only answer she will give me.

I reassure her that I will not get mad, or angry; that I am just concerned because I love her; but still I get nothing. And I am worried. My head is in a cloud and I am terrified that something big is going on and I am completely blind to it. And it drives me crazy! I hope I can get to the bottom of this fairly soon, for her sake and mine.

Training has been going good. I have managed to do all my workouts so far (except for friday's long run; which I have moved to sunday) and felt pretty good about them. I even felt wonderful at the pool, and that does not happen every day! I think I might finally be turning a corner when it comes to training. For now I will just keep at it, and with luck and hard work; when the time comes to put it all together, I will have a good day and be able to accomplish the goals I have set.

Inspiration

Yesterday Megan and I stayed home from school/work. She had been having a bit of a phlemy cough and I thought it was prudent to stay home and let her rest. Let me just say that the only time I changed out of my PJ's was to do a scheduled brick; and after that I went right back to wearing them.

The morning was a productive one; while I heard Megan play downstairs with a bunch of her toys (lately her favorite has been playing mommy); I went to my "creative space" and started a little "art" journal of my journey to Ironman later this year. Even though I am quite creative; when I saw the inspiration boad that Liz did with the magazine phrases I knew right away that this was a project that would suit me quite well.

So I started going through magazines and cutting up phrases and paragraphs that I enjoyed and somehow "spoke" to me; with the intention of accumulating a bunch of them to put in my little journal. As I said before (and if I haven't I'll say it now) scrapbooking is another one of the things I really enjoy; but lately it has taken third place (after family & training) simply because I do not have enough time to dedicate myself to it.

But yesterday morning was different. Here I was, at home, with a child that finally entertains herself (for the most part) and a bunch of free time. So I took out my magazine clippings, the journal that I was going to alter, some scisors, colored pencils, stamps, 3 different kinds of glue (because it is important what glue you use depending on what you are thrying to adhere) and went to work. Even though it is not the "best" of my creations, I am using the journal not only as a way to document the year leading up to the biggest race of my life; but also as a tool to practice letting go of things, to practice not being so self critical.

I am debating whether or not I will post the pictures of the journal here. Most likely I will, but I don't think I am ready yet. It will come, as everything does.

Change of plans

After much deliberating and a couple of good talks with Coach, we have decided that I would take the month of december off.

The past couple of weeks, I have been sick on and off. Cold, sore throat, sinus infection. I had them all. The body really took a heavy toll after all of these... And it needs rest.

It's not that I am not going to do "anything", I will be trying to get more muscular and lean; but I won't be "killing" myself or feel pressured about anything on the schedule. 

I am still undecided about the 1/2 marathon. A part of me wants to do it; because I know that even though I won't be able to go for my "dream goal" of under 2 hours I will be able to set a PR. I am in much better shape than last year. The other part thinks that I should take the entire month off, to properly re-energize myself with the want/need to swim/bike/run. Know what I mean?

So I guess I will play it by ear and see how I feel as the weeks progress. I will try to keep you all posted; but my life is not THAT exciting when you take training out of the equation.

Hope everyone is starting to get into the holiday spirit. We have started already, the tree is up; the Elf on the Shelf has appeared (he is one of Santa's helpers that comes and stays with us until Christmas, leaving every night to fly to the North Pole to report how Megan has been behaving), and Megan keeps repeating that we have to wait until Christmas to see the snow... 

Who knows? Maybe this year we will have a white Christmas in the Carolinas, and it will be her dream come true...

My baby is growing up....

Megan is 4 today. Here she is through the years...

A few days after she was born....

At her first birthday party...

When she turned 2....

As a princess turning 3...

And now... 

She is getting big super fast!

On Family

If you didn’t know, I am from another country. Another continent at that. My entire family; mother, father, brothers, nieces and nephews; have stayed in my home country.
I very rarely get to see them. Once a year if I am lucky. Traveling to South America is expensive and exhausting. When we take vacation there I often find myself more tired when I get back than when I left. We have to visit a whole bunch of people and try to spend as much time with each one of those people as we can. You also have to be ON all the time and make sure you do not hurt anybody’s feelings. It is a tough task I tell you.

It was my decision to basically pick up and leave the comforts of all I had known for 26 years. My home town, the comfort of my parents’ house, my friends, my family. I grew closer to my parents because of the distance. Ironic isn’t it? I think that after I moved, my dad stopped seeing me as a child, and more like an adult. I think they finally realized that I had grown up; that I had become a woman. And that it was time for me to go and find MY path.

I had to move 10,000 miles away to figure out my parents were not crazy after all. That they had raised me to the best of their ability, and I think they did a damn good job. And today I am proud for being their daugher, and find myself implementing some of the same parenting “techniques” they used with us.

And I miss them. Terribly. I ache every time Megan “discovers” something new and I can’t share it with them. I also wish they could come and see me race; see how far I have come on this sport. You see? I was a couch potato back then. I would not even walk a block; and now look at me. Multisport; and even thinking about doing an Ironman. My mom tells me that when she talks to her friends and tells them of all the races I do people are often amazed “Daniela, really??” they say.

So I guess today is one of those days where I wish they were here with me. Just to give them hugs, and share a meal at the dinner table like we did every night.

To my mom and dad: LOVE YOU GUYS! You are the best EVER!

Work, workouts and Mommy time!

I am so glad the work week is over! I cannot even begin to tell you how busy I have been this week. With year end closing, merger, audit and the whole nine yards; it was about time to get some time off! My boss let us leave early today and I took advantage of the extra time and headed to the pool.

I needed the time for myself. Adjusting to this new workout schedule has been harder than I thought. I think I am definitely a morning person, even though when the alarm goes off I just want to throw it out the window. My best "athletic moments" are in the morning; when I am not consumed by the worries of the workday and I also know that once I am done I get to relax and enjoy the rest of the day. It also gives me energy and helps me get through the day. I can't believe how tired I have been this week, and it is rest week!

I had my running test yesterday and it went very well. Coach said I have improved quite a bit. The self critic inside is still unsure of my performance. I did give it all I had, I just wish I had more to give. You know what I mean?

Todd is coming back home tonight and we will have the weekend to spend some time together. Megan keeps reminding me that "Daddy is still in Florida" and you can tell she misses him to pieces. Every time I pick her up from daycare she asks if daddy is home and when I say "No honey, he will be back thursday night" you can see the disappointment in her little eyes. 

We have had some good mommy/daughter time; we have enjoyed eating "brown pasta" (she loves the whole grain kind), veggies and grilled chicken. We have watched some favorite TV shows (ask me anything about Backyardigans or Phineas & Ferb and I will be able to answer your questions), read stories at night and also enjoyed the occasional sweet treat (PB cups and M&M's are some of the favorites). Today we might head to the pool when the sun goes down a bit; and I have planned for us to "splurge" with chicken nuggets and french fries.

It has been a tiring week, but a good week nonetheless. Let the weekend begin!

Weekend wrap up

Yesterday I got up early and went on my saturday morning ride. Coach had scheduled me a group ride, with some harder efforts; so I went to my local tri store to join in the "women" only ride. The other ride they have on saturday mornings is way too fast for me to keep up.

When I get there I find out that the regular ride leader broker her ankle during the week on a trail run, so we will have a "sub". As the sub is pumping her tires, she gets a flat... on her back wheel! Now, put a whole bunch of ladies; with absolutely no tire changing experience in a situation like this and what do you get? A ride leader who is panic mode because she can't change her tire; and the rest of us on a panic mode because, what if we get a flat? I am proud to report that even though I had no tire changing experience myself, I was able to help put the back wheel in place. I guess all the watching other people do it paid of. 

As we are getting ready leave to the parking lot, I notice a new girl (who I shall call A). A is not sure she can go the entire 26 miles we have planned going (which turned out to be more like 23); as the most she has ridden was 9 miles. I assure her she will be fine, she will be sore but will do just fine. People start pedaling away and as A is trying to get going, she can't clip her second foot and falls off the bike. At this point, you could see the tears start welling in her eyes and she says to me " I am really scared of this ride". I tell her she shouldn't be and that we have all fallen of our bikes... Hey, I did last weekend! I show her some tricks on how to clip in and out (like being able to push your pedal even though you are not clipped, so that you have more momentum) and I vow to stay back with her for the duration of the ride. 

I remember my first group ride and how my heart was literally jumping off my chest. I wish someone had taken the time to show me things. I had no such luck. What I learned about biking I learned alone on trial and error. I fell of my bike numerous times and each time I got up and kept riding.

So anyhow, off we go. I stay back with A and tell her about cadence and being effective on your pedal strokes and how not to be scared of shifting. She is riding her granny ring and I make her change to the small ring. Once there I tell her we will work on getting comfortable with shifting around the gears in her cassette. She asks me questions, and I answer them to the best of my knowledge. I share experiences and keep assuring her she will be fine. I finally convince her she will be able to go the entire distance and we keep riding past her much shorter turn around point. Every now and then the group leader comes to find us and I take this time to push out of my comfort zone. I ride the big ring, feel the burn in my legs and and eat it up. I am loving this ride. 

We get to the turnaround point and A is looking awesome. We all tell her "it's all downhill from here" (in a figurative way). The group stays much closer now, I guess people are starting to get tired; and I just want to GO. I ask A if she is feeling good, and tell her my intentions, she says to go for it. So I take off. For the first time I am leading the group and feeling good about going fast. I practice my eating strategies, drinking (tried Heed and loved it! Thanks Katie!) and staying Aero.

We get back to the shop and I have this overall good feeling. My ride went awesome and I am also super glad I was able to help someone out. I tell A she needs to keep coming to the group rides. That she will get better and faster each time. She is looking a lot more confident now. Mission accomplished.

After the ride I went home and showered quickly to get ready for my dress shopping morning. I went out and hit a bunch of stores and could not come up with anything I liked. I had done some online shopping and saw a bunch of dresses I liked but the always look so much better in pictures. I came back home empty handed. 

I did, however, go to the hair salon and got my hair colored. I think I look much better with dark color hair. I will try to take a picture and post it later. 

Oh yes! I have some Megan news. She is turning into such a big girl! Friday night was her first night sleeping without a pull up and she did awesome! She did not wet her bed. She repeated that saturday night. We leave the bathroom light on, so she can go if she needs to during the night. And she has used it! Yesterday we took her to the pool and she has embraced swimming! This is a total shocker for us since last summer she did not want to have ANYTHING to do with the water. Granted, she is still not going under, but now she wants to swim without us holding her (don't worry we are still in the pool next to her, and she wears those arm floating thingies).

Today we are going to my sister in law's house to celebrate her birthday and help out with some home projects. She and her husband have just moved into town and since she is pregnant her hubby has been enlisting family help to do fix the little things the house needs. We have given them all of our baby stuff... furniture, toys.. you name it. Our old "nursery" will become our home gym and we are pretty excited about it.

Today is IMcda. I send big waves of good luck and positive thoughts to all those racing. Also a big Congrats to Bree who came in 2nd in IM Japan on her first IM as a pro. Go Bree!!!!