In a funk

Well, the weekend came and went. Lots of stuff going on around here.

Todd was back in town on Thursday night; Megan LOVED having her daddy around so much that she chose not to listen to me a.single.time. (I guess that is what is considered a daddy’s little girl, don’t you think?)

Friday was kind of a busy day. We got up relatively early as Megan is an early riser and I tried to do my outside run. I think the stressful week finally caught up with me and I was exhausted. My legs did not want to go. My body ached all over; my breathing was super labored, even though I was doing a zone 1-2 run. I ran 20 minutes of my prescribed 45 and decided to call it quits. I thought I was getting sick because of that aching feeling all over my body and was overly cautious as last time I got sick I was out of commission for the better part of a week.

We had breakfast, got dressed and went out shopping. Earlier this year we made the decision that for now we are sticking with just one child (if you remember it was a defining moment for us, and particularly me); and that left our house with an empty bedroom (what used to be the nursery-since we gave all of our baby stuff to my sister in law who is pregnant). Up to that point we had a total gym and my trainer set up in our bedroom, and had been talking about moving them to the spare room to use as a “gym”. I am happy to report that we finally did it. And not only did we put those pieces of equipment there… we also got a treadmill! Shocker! I am not a fan of the ‘mill, but with Todd traveling it is pretty much the only option I have if I want to do my runs during the week. So our little gym is all set up and our bedroom looks more like a bedroom, which is always nice.

In the evening we went to my in-laws house and had a small BBQ to celebrate the 4th and then we took Megan to see some fireworks. She was more interested in the puppy the people next to us had than the actually fireworks… And she had been anticipating the fireworks all day!

Saturday was pretty uneventful. I had my bike test on the schedule for the morning. Luckily I was feeling much better. I got some good sleep after the fireworks and I think that helped TONS. We stayed around the house, hit the neighborhood pool, ordered in some pizza for dinner and called it a night. Pretty low key.
I remember back in my 20’s when a Saturday night like this would have seemed “boring”. Ah! Growing older will change ya!

Sunday flew by. I went grocery shopping while Todd was still at the house. We had a nice lunch and then it was time to take Hubby to the airport for his second trip to Miami. After we dropped him off Megan and I hit target, and then it was back home to get back in the weekly wagon.

When Monday rolled around I was ready to tackle the week full force. Get back into the full swing of training after a challenging “rest” week (where I did not really get a lot of rest… not it terms of training though). And then I got into work. I was super busy and by the time I realized it, I needed to get my bootie to the pool before the camp kids got there. On the schedule, Liz put 2400 yds. Let me just summarize: it did not go so well. I freaked out on some of the sets (breathing 1-2 per 25… yeah, right). I got mad, upset, scared, wanted to cry. I thought: “I will never be good enough at this; I might as well stop now”. But I didn’t. Did I feel better afterwards? Not exactly. I guess you can say I am stubborn and I am not going to let the water win. I will keep at it, until I figure it out. It might take me my entire life, but I will eventually win. Man, I am just like my dad!

Yesterday I needed to do some hill repeats. I was really looking forward to the hurt. I needed it. I had arranged for my in-laws to pick Megan from daycare, so I could run after work. I was even looking forward to the heat and humidity (weird I know). And then, as I am getting ready to leave work… The sky starts falling in the form of rain, thunder, lighting and 50 mph winds (that is what the weather man said, so I will believe him). There goes my outside run. I was bummed. I drove to my in-laws to get Megan and the commute that usually takes me 35 mins, took me close to 1 hr! Traffic lights were not working at major intersections, trees had fallen into the street, accidents galore… you get the picture.

We ended up at home, eating dinner at 7:50 pm and I still had to do my run. After Megan went to bed I decided to jump on my treadmill. What followed was one of the suckiest run workouts I have had in a long time. My pace sucked. I needed to stay in zone 2 and could not even run an 11 minute mile without spiking my HR. I know that it was probably a combination of tiredness, stress, my stomach digesting the food, and the fact that I NEVER have done a workout at 9 pm (yes you read that right… I got on the ‘mill at 9 pm). I was still hoping for a bit more.

So today, I am in a funk of sorts. I am kind of disappointed. Mostly at myself I think. I am questioning if I am really doing my workouts right. Am I self sabotaging? Could I give more? How would I do it? How long will it take me to get to where I want to be? I know it is not easy, I know it will hurt, and I am ok with that. But evidently there is something that has not clicked 100% yet.

Tonight I have a session with my head. I will put on some nice mellow music. Grab pen and paper; and let it all come out. Hopefully I will find where the short circuit is and will be able to fix it.