Did that just happen? Thoughts on becoming a brand ambassador

OK, just go ahead and pinch me.. Did this really happen? Did I really get selected to be a part of an ambassador team?? How did this happen? I mean, yes, I sent the application; but I thought FOR SURE I would not get selected. I do not lead an exciting lifestyle, I am not a top speed athlete, and honestly last season was one of my worst in my whole triathlon "career". As you could have probably guessed by reading the above lines, I am my worst critic and usually struggle with my own self acceptance and self worth (not to mention my social interactions). So, to say I was SHOCKED when I got the email from the company's founder/owner welcoming me to the Ambassador team; is a severe understatement.

But then something magical happened. Receiving that email, made me realize/believe, that I am indeed worthy. Despite hearing from my family members how awesome they think I am and how proud they are of me, having someone from the "outside" put this kind of trust in you... is well, just empowering; and i n my case can be the catalyst of change. I know it might sound silly, or even sad; but that email sparked a whole new level of commitment to myself, to the sport and the brand I will be representing. 

A commitment to try my hardest at being the best I can be. A commitment to not being so harsh on myself. A commitment to stop trying to be perfect. A desire to open myself up and connect. It is time to stop being fearful and start being a little more daring. 

What brand will I be proudly representing? Coeur Sports. "What is Coeur Sports?" you might ask. Well let me tell you! It was founded by Kebby Holden, who after being in endurance sports for 10 years could not find a race kit that was actually cute or that fit well. So she set out to design the best looking, best fitting, most comfortable and most functional line of clothing for the female endurance athlete. Their kits are absolutely gorgeous! They come in a variety of patterns and colors.. the red one being my most favorite ;-)

But what struck me the most about the brand, is the message behind the name. 

"Coeur is French for heart & the root of the word courage. And that’s what we put into our collections and our sport. As an athlete, you know that athletic performance is about so much more than genetic talent. Its also about heart. Heart is about digging deep and being mentally tough. Heart is what gets you to the finish line when all the body wants to do is lay down.  Heart is at the center of the community and the friendships you find in sport. Heart is what makes you give back to the community that has given you so much. the  Everything we do at Coeur - from our designs to how we play a role in our community - should reflect our values and how we aim to conduct ourselves. This is one of driving factors that led us to our decision to give 1% of each of our sales to the Challenged Athletes Foundation."

I am so excited to have the opportunity to be a part of the 2014 Coeur Ambassador team. 2014 will be a great year, I can already feel it. Bring it!

Rekindling the fire

Last weekend I drove to Wilmington, NC to spectate Beach to Battleship. A lot of my masters swim mates were either competing or spectating and I thought it was a great opportunity to mingle in a non pool setting as well as spectate a race… something I must admit I do not do very often.
I got in the car on Friday evening, after I fed the family some dinner and made my way to the city on a very dark and deserted road. My only company were the tunes I was playing… and yes, singing at the top of my lungs. Hey when there is no one in the car.. who cares how out of tune I am!

I arrived a little after 10 pm and met my friend Jen, her son and boyfriend. Jen's boyfriend was competing on his first half IM; and Jen had never spectated a triathlon before. I had not seen Jen for at least a month, and even though I wanted to catch up and do some talking; I knew we needed to go to sleep in order for her boyfriend ( R ) to get some rest before the race. I challenged Jen's son to a "fall asleep race"… and I think I won unintentionally… That's what happens when you wake up at 5 am, work all day, drive a boring 4 hours and stay up WAY past your normal 9 pm bedtime.

When the next day rolled in, we got ready, ate some breakfast and headed out to the race course to try to catch R on his swim to bike transition. We got to the race site, got situated in a nice spot and then we waited.. and then waited some more… Turns out that R had a much faster swim split than anticipated and we completely missed him. Ooops.
Determined to not miss his next transition we got in the car to head to T2… The joys of a point to point race.

We made it to T2 with time to spare and even had time to go get some warm coffee… it was a COLD morning. We positioned ourselves along the IN section towards transition and we could see, not only the bikes come in, but also the runners on the first out and back portion of their run.
Triathletes started rolling in soon after we found our spot (in the sun!) and the fun spectating began. I tried to give Jen as much information as possible about everything and what to expect when R rolled in. I pointed out different running forms and how to tell if a runner was evidently hurting or not based on how stiff their stride looked. And then it hit me…. I LOVE this sport; and I wanted to be racing!

R rolled in and he looked AWESOME! He had crushed his swim time, but gave us a pretty good estimate of what his bike split would be.. He nailed that one. We yelled super loud for him and he finally saw us when he first started running. He looked GOOD! Light on his feet and ready to throw down on the run. I knew right there he would come well under his run estimate. After collecting his things out of transition we made our way to the finish line about half a mile away.

At this point I was bummed I had not seen any of my masters friends. Not really knowing what splits they were expecting I had no idea where to look for them. Come to find out, one of them had actually passed right in front of me when headed out for the run… Oops again.

Luckily I was able to connect with them at the finish line and we spent a little bit of time spectating together with Jen and son. About 25 minutes after we had made it to our desired position close to the finish chute; R came along… Completely CRUSHING his expected run time by almost 20 minutes!!!! He was running the half marathon at my 5k Pace. Ha! One of these days I will be able to run that fast too for longer than 3 miles.
He finished the race with an awesome sub 5:15. His first half IM! Way to go R!

I had a pretty bad season in 2013 as evidenced by my previous post, I got burnt out and lost the sense of fun in the whole triathlon world. Spectating this race was exactly what I needed to light that fire back up and remind me how much fun this is. I am ready to tackle 2014. Let the fun begin!

In retrospect

After a lot of denying and trying to get through this past season; a couple of months ago I finally accepted the fact that I was injured. I was injured and I had gone through this season just to get through it. My best work did not show up on the daily, and when I expected myself to do great at races.. of course I didn't! And then the disappointment would settle.

The reality is… I bit more than I could chew during 2013 and I hurt myself. Not just physically, but also emotionally. I forgot to make ME a priority on my daily life and it showed. I spent most of my races questioning WHY I was there. Why was I racing?

I had a season plagued with self doubt, self imposed limits and the constant mind bug: you do not belong here, you are not worthy of this. And during the entire season, I believed it all. And I fell more and more into the hole. Downward spiral they call it.
The more I doubted myself, the more half assed I performed my workouts. The "worse" my workouts were, the worse my races became. There is no secret, we all triathletes know it… If you put in the work, you will get the results. You can't expect excellence on race day, when you have put on mediocrity on the day to day.

Throughout my 2013 season I felt like I had no direction, I felt lost. Not just about triathlon, but about life in general. I struggled with what I wanted to become; I struggled with my relationships with others. I felt alone and unwanted. Yes, I have a WONDERFUL family; that truth does not escape me.
But sometimes, there have to be other things in life besides being a mother/wife. And there is where my struggles lie. I have been living in the USA for 11 years, and for that entire time… I have felt like I do not belong anywhere. I have felt unaccepted no matter how hard I have tried to fit in.
You see.. to me, friendship is a two way street, and I do not want to be the one that is always initiating contact. But I am. And it is a sad realization that unless I emailed/called/IM'd someone… no one would talk to me. And I feel lonely.

And I think this realization was also a part of why I took my triathlon training a lot less serious this season. I wanted to be wanted; I wanted to fit in. I branched out and tried other things; but I was not entirely happy either. I love triathlon, the things I have accomplished through the sport, the way it makes me feel. But when one is fully committed to it, the truth is, there is not a lot of time for other things. Add to that a family and a full time job; and unless you can find a training partner that is in the exact fitness level you are at, you will be doing most of your training alone. It is a hard balance, and this year I sucked at keeping it.

Where does that leave me? Wish I knew. One thing for sure, I do not want to feel as "lame" as I felt during this tri season. Yes, I am not as fast as I wish I was… I might never be the top of my age group, but I will never know for sure if I do not try my hardest. So there I go.